jocelyncee: (calm)
Two things:

1) My exams are coming up (less than two weeks now) and I'm stressing out.  So, since I'm stressed, I feel like looking at the pretty hydrangea close-up, instead of trying to find an icon that expresses stressed-out-edness.

2)  I have really done something to my hand.  The knuckles of my left hand (thankfully not my writing hand) are sore enough that certain movements are quite surprisingly painful.  Typing's fine, as is picking up a book.  But trying to slide a notecard from the back of a stack with my left hand *hurts*.  It's been a couple of weeks now -- I'm wondering if I'm clenching my fist in my sleep or something, because I can't really think of anything I've done to my left hand specifically that would cause any kind of strain on the ligaments around the middle knuckles of all my fingers except the pinky.  Since it aches to make a fist, I'm thinking that might be right.

That's pretty much the state of my right now.  I've been writing occasionally on differing topics, and thinking about writing more than I actually have been;  it's usually tekanji's fault.  I've been sewing lately too -- more for stress relief than anything else -- and I might actually get a bookbag out of it. ^_^

Okay, Tired Girl's going to quit typing and rest up until class.
jocelyncee: (productive)
Sometimes I'm struck by a real streak of laziness -- from being tired or stressed, sure, but it's still there -- and some days I get an unexpected burst of energy, drive and focus that I make good use of.

These days also usually follow each other.

Sunday was definitely a lazy day -- I didn't once leave my house -- and it got me some well-deserved rest, after traveling the previous three weekends, and then the much-delayed bedtime thanks to drama at the downstairs neighbor's Saturday night.  Yesterday I felt like doing more, but the fatigue set in again that afternoon, and I went home and made use of it.

Today, however, was pleasantly productive.  I started in on my homework about 11:00 a.m., and was finished with both that days' assigment (for 4 p.m.) and tomorrow's for the 9:00 class (although that translation is a bit rough still). 

Now tonight I'm trying to convince myself that more work is a good thing. :)  I'm needing a bit of a rest, but I have so much studying for my exams to do that I want to get more done tonight.

So what do I do?  I blog about it in the hopes that this will serve as enough of a break before soldering on.

At least I voted today: local primaries for City Commissioner.  I actually care what happens to this place.  It's my home now.
jocelyncee: (strong)
In the none-too-gradual countdown between now and my impending exams, I've been spending an inordinate amount of time doing... well, not nothing.  Just not as much studying for my exams as perhaps would be prudent.  A good chuck of my goofing off is at the hands of Civ III (I am NOT buying IV until after exams!  I promise!) but some of it has been reading on feminism, especially feminist blogs.

I got into this by being marginally interested in comics of the superhero variety, and being sent to Girls Read Comics by Karen Healey on  This opened up a whole can of worms, and, rather than just getting me more interested in superhero comics, this has opened my mind to many new ways of thinking, of observing, and has, most importantly, kept me reading.

And thinking.  And so very, very much.

Thus far I have learned about privilege, and that as a heterosexual cisgendered middle-class white female, I experience a good bit of privilege.  In fact, the only "strike" I have against me in the system that is our societal heritage is the female part.  So I don't get into discussions/crusades for women of color, the GLBT community or the impoverished -- although I listen.  When a group that is not privileged as I am gets up to talk, my job is to sit, listen, and get to know my privilege enough so that I can consciously avoid exercising it / benefiting from it.

In any case, I'm out of clearly laid-out comments to make right now, and I have Latin to translate.  I will be linking to read-worthy blogs on feminism as I go through this.

jocelyncee: (girl genius)
I'm now officially taking my exams in March with everyone else.  This was a good decision on my part, as I was discovering how much less I retained from my first year.  Couldn't recall much at all, so now I have another 10 weeks to rectify that situation.

Considering that the only classes I'm enrolled in are languages, I shouldn't burn out on reading too badly.  At least, I shouldn't burn out on reading so badly that I fail a class.  Mostly translations for these two (Old Norse and second semester Latin.  Yes, geek.)

I had been so worried about postponing the exams for the wrong reason that I neglected to consider *why* I kept thinking about postponing them.  Turns out an objective look at my progress (which had been good) during the time I had been studying (not near long enough) and the amount of material I had left to cover in a week (unbelievably too much) made my decision for me very quickly.  I'm not ready, and I wasn't going to be ready in a week.  Made the call, sent the emails, so everybody knows and is happy.

Especially me. :)

I did another sensible thing, which was look at how much work I had left and try to sketch out a timeline for completing it.  Come to find out, if I proceed at the average rate I've been studying at over the break, I should be able to finish everything just before the new exam date.

Like hell I'd have been ready for that exam Monday.  And this realization came to me only after I'd rescheduled, and I was starting to feel the temptation of laziness, of "you still have a couple days before the semester starts... take a break!"

I'd had my break already though -- serious work stopped Friday afternoon, and today (Wednesday) was the first on that I've been able to really concentrate on this stuff.  I also started in on the semester today (it's been a year since Latin class, so I have some brushing up to do) and tomorrow I go do paperwork to attempt to owe the FedGovt less money in student loans this semester.  I had a good day of organizing things (including cleaning off my desk and getting the half a million German lit paperbacks back on the shelf in some semblance of order.)

So I'm not being the slug I want to be right now, in spite of just working through Christmas break.  I'm glad to be getting back to 1) a regular schedule 2) language classes!! 3) being around people generally, instead of just occasionally.  I do much better when I have to schedule alone time into my day as opposed to scheduling in social time.  I'm no fun if I stay home too much. :-P

Okay, that's officially enough now.  It's nearly tomorrow (again... 12-6 were the sleep hours last night) and I'm determined to get back to water aerobics tomorrow.  I need the activity, after six weeks of sitting on my butt all day (reading, studying, driving, writing, typing, playing Civ... all paragons of aerobic activity, lemme tell you).
jocelyncee: (creative)
Some power in the universe is taking care of me today.

I've spent the last few days being completely exhausted from intensive study for the written exam I have Monday, so much so that I couldn't stand to look at any book from Friday afternoon until last night about 8:30, and that was a graphic novel (Cathedral Child by Lea Hernandez, and much recommended).

I was still in a negative funk this morning, out of which I have been gradually lifted by various people over the course of the day.  It started with my husband this morning, who will support me no matter what, to a friend, to a professor in another department, to a fellow grad student who called me just now.  After the shorter coffee shop chats of the morning, I talked with her for 30 minutes, mostly about how I didn't feel as worried anymore.

I have a plan, and I'm putting it into action.  This is the qualifying exam for the real M.A. exam, which translated into my head as: this is just to make sure you're ready to take the real test.  All this is, is an assessment.  Not a judgment, which is how my mind understands things when I'm in panic mode (and probably induces the panic mode, come to think of it).

I'm going to be just fine.  I'm going to do the best I can, and not worry about what might appear on the exam.  There's no way I can know until I get it.  All I can do is be smart about what I study, and let the rest be how it will be.

If nothing else, a relaxed attitude will help hinder terrified blank-outs when I'm writing a week from today.


Jan. 3rd, 2007 10:21 am
jocelyncee: (Default)
Yup, my geekiness *really* knows no bounds. I managed to get the finances together enough to buy plane tix to Tampa, so I can finally meet some of these Nightgig people I've been working with for, oh, 'bout two years now. That's the real reason for going -- we've got a table again this year, and I didn't get to go last time.

I waited around for Christmas money so I could afford to go, and said if I found tix for around $200/$225 I could go.

Well, guess what? ^_^ $203. Fees and everything.

So I'm going to be taking a vacation of sorts in the middle of the semester. I'm going to miss class. I'm not going to care. After the exam (Jan 22nd) I don't think I'll really care all that much, anyway. I will also be missing the annual conference put on at KU by the German grad students, it turns out, although the date I originally heard was in March, not conflicting with Megacon (which was the case last year, and I was one of the ones running the grad student conference). Had my plans made; not my fault. I've been there every other time (except when I was in Germany, of course), so they can deal. :P
jocelyncee: (creative)
First post of '07, and all through the site
Not a bit of it griping: she's had a good night.
The days have been filled with study and thought
And reviews from the classes professors have taught.
Hours of reading short stories and plays,
Some novels attempted, but mostly essays
That condense the plot of those books to 10 minutes
To complete that huge list with so many works in it.
It's not been all work; there has been some fun
But just in the evenings when work has been done
And sometimes a bit earlier, when friends would all gather
For a cup of good coffee and the most lively chatter.
Her email's unopened, her flist neglected
With hardly a new post from her detected
On either her Blogger account or on here.
It's been just a month - it seems like a year.
The time speeds on by (only three weeks to go!)
But a trickle of progress increased to a flow
That would rival a river, if only a small,
Instead of a creek bed, no current at all.
But the holiday's over, the family departed
And a new Resolution has suddenly started
Taking over my days with a healthy resolve
To be good at this "Lit'rature", to fin'lly evolve
'To the brilliant grad student I know I can be,
And take exams with ease, with spirit calm and free.
But for now I fill my days with books, notecards, and cram,
And praise the gods that I'm as sane and rational as I am.

(p.s. St. Nikolaus of Myra, the inspiration for our Santa Claus, is a patron saint of scholars.)
jocelyncee: (Default)
Yep, it's one of those dreaded "answer a ton of pointless questions" surveys, just 'cause I like 'em.  This one's from [profile] thebookofmeg via [profile] linmeister and was found while browsing [community profile] girlgenius_lab . 

Other than pointless stuff like this, I'm just working in the library (theoretically).  Going to finish the poetry part of the M.A. Reading List today, *big plans* for tonight (see #39 in the cut) and cleaning house/finishing up Christmas shopping tomorrow.  Going to inlaws' on Sunday, back Monday.  I'll probably take a book to read anyway, if nothing else than to just have an excuse to run off for a bit iffn I need some me time.  I shouldn't, but you never know. -_-
jocelyncee: (girl genius)
I may panic about the M.A. Exam eventually... but not today.

Why, you ask? Because I got shit done today. :) In fact, I read:

1) Das Erdbeben in Chili (The Earthquake in Chile) by Heinrich von Kleist, - short story, nice little "boy meets girl, boy gets girl in trouble, girl sent to convent, boy arrested, girl has illegitimate child and is sentenced to burning at the stake, girl has sentence reduced to beheading, freak earthquake releases boy from prison and saves girl from execution, boy and girl reunite, boy and girl seek to rejoin society but are killed by an angry mob" little tale. Kleist is a bit of a freak. I like him. :)

2) Der Besuch der alten Dame (The old lady's visit) by Friedrich D├╝rrenmatt - Play: old woman, now very rich, gets revenge on man who once betrayed her and on the town that shunned her. Delightful critique of the self-justifying tendencies of capitalist society and the people in it.

3) Die Soldaten (The Soldiers) - by J.M.R Lenz - Comedy, five acts. A confusing Storm-and-Stress play surrounding a young girl Marie and the soliders (among others) who are interested in her. I need more background info for this one.

I'm keeping a checklist of all of these works I'm supposed to read. If I was smart, I'd have it in Excel and let it calculate the percentage I've finished of each type: poem, drama, prose.

But I can chart this progress so far: I'm done with poetry up to the 19th century (post romaticism) and in addition to the three longer works I've read today I've begun the original Faust legend (Die Historia von D. Johann Fausten) before I go on to Goethe's play (Faust I).

It's three days to Christmas, and I still don't feel like it's almost here.

Here's the one bit of Christmas I have done though. Isn't it pitifully dinky? It's just like me to have a Christmas tree on top of a bookshelf.

Other than that, no reason for reality to have set in. I've bought presents (but not wrapped them) and I have yet to hear the Muppet Christmas album this season. That's probably it -- I should get that on the iPod for the trip to Joel's parents', just to get into the spirit of things.

There will be Kringle baking this weekend though, which should convince me that Christmas is coming (the goose is getting fat).  Maybe I can listen to the Muppets then.


jocelyncee: (Default)

April 2009



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