jocelyncee: (Default)
I sat at home last night for quite some time, acutally working (surprise, surprise) and resting up a bit. I got more phone calls in one evening... four, at least. Of those at-least-four, the last was my younger sister, requesting tea and talk.

What can I say? We had so many years of antagonism or just plain ignoring each other that I can't ignore a request like that. Lots of time to make up for.

I went. We visited. After clearing the air of all the stress and general chaos of her day, we sat with our respective drinks and chatted about that most common of topics, our respective singleness. Or, in this case, current events that have the potential to alter, or at least vary, the singleness.

"Boys," she says, shaking her head slightly.

I nod with understanding. This is an old conversation, well trodden.

We trade names, a few stories*, and then laughter fades as the conversation wanders and dwindles into pensive, supportive silence.

It was not always so easy between us. That it is now is miracle to me.



*P.S. The pup-seal story will be blogged. I have decreed it so. As soon as she posts it to her blog, you'll know it here.
jocelyncee: (Default)
I'm actually at school. Working. Finishing this reading, etc., before I go home. Trying to get back on track. Hopefully I'll be able to keep this up, and free my evenings from so much stress.

Edit: Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] mbjlegalgirl I not-so-randomly looked at my horriblescope for today (via horoscope.com) just for S&G.

"This is your day to take over and make things happen. Your dynamic and aggressive stance will not please everyone, but the accomplishments will speak for themselves."

I am somewhat amused. *grin*

Edit #2: I goofed. I said it was [livejournal.com profile] hillarygayle, and it wasn't. Look at my friends page and you'll understand why. Lots of [livejournal.com profile] hillarygayle, and one [livejournal.com profile] mbjlegalgirl thrown in... Sorry Hil!
jocelyncee: (Default)
I went to bed early last night, at least earlier than intended, and woke up about 30 minutes before the alarm went off. So, being the 'net geek that I am, I padded into the living room, woke the computer up and started checking email. I had gotten an IM from Christian in the night, and he had already disconnected. I thought, ha ha, how nice and yet how typical, more IM tag, I'll write him a little note to tag him back.

At that moment, he comes back online. :) So, my nice surprise of the morning was actually getting to chat with C, instead of the eternal game of IM-tag.

In any case, I'm happy today. Between that and all the new friendships I've been building here, I'm feeling... well... look up. >^.^<

Now, getting down to business and doing all my schoolwork is another thing. I'm perfectly certain that I've overloaded myself (again) this semestser, but it's for a good cause...namely that I don't have to in the spring, when I'm theoretically taking my master's exam. Luckily almost all of my readings for this semester (in the TWO grad level lit courses) are on the master's reading list (thank you Dr. Koch and Dr. Crawford!).

Getting all of this done, however, is an exercise in discipline... and I'm pretty out of shape.

I'm trying a new approach now -- staying at school until it's done. Once I get home, I want to be able to rest and relax. That, and work on the Gigcast website. With the podcasts and everything, I'm getting pretty involved with NG, and besides that, I want to have a life outside of Wescoe Hall.

Which means I'll need to leave my work there. We'll see how that develops.
jocelyncee: (Default)
I was about to post a private message in full-out bitch mode, but the tide of frustration and futility was stemmed by a chat with Kort ([livejournal.com profile] imaginekp)... thanks chica!

The usual tale: lonely, not getting out enough, wanting male attention and not getting it. So what else is new? I know I should be getting used to this, and in many ways I am. Some moments are tough though, and I've had a few of those lately. So I live through them (with the help of good folks in my life) and learn from them. End of story...?
jocelyncee: (Default)
I'm hooked up at the house... Internet effective right now, telephone as of Wednesday 17th, same phone number as before.

Went to the farmer's market on the way home... so now I have actual food in the fridge.

Now to go eat it. :)
jocelyncee: (Default)
So, I was up until 2:30 last night, chatting with Kit, Christian, Ben and Katie (in order of appearance) and I set an alarm for 10:30, just so I'd make it to my massage appointment on time.

Needless to say, the alarm was unnecessary.

Anyway, it was well worth staying up late to have the conversations I had last night. I shared some stuff with Kit that was on my mind. Christian and I talked for hours as usual (at least as is becoming usual). Ben and I caught up with each other (after not catching each other online for probably 6 months... he and Heather are in Seattle and doing well). Katie checked up on me about 1 a.m., somehow surprised that I was still online.

No, I don't believe I'll be sleeping much in the next two weeks. I'm far too geared up for that. I will try to go to sleep earlier tonight (as in when it's still technically Friday) since I have both a cookout to help with and a concert to sing at on Saturday, followed by a mad dash to the train station to catch the ICE to Friedberg, to go visit Christian for a few days.

I am looking forward to that trip. Christian and I seem to understand each other well, and we, as previously mentioned, can talk for hours. It'll be a nice vacation too -- he's going to show me around the area (old city, etc) and I'll have the chance to relax and do nothing too.

So here I am, at 7:30, awake for almost an hour already. Good thing I only have a few basic things to accomplish today. Laundry, cleaning room, getting a massage at noon. Life is good.

Edit: Discovered [livejournal.com profile] cjmitchell, whom I know from ASU (choir and work, both) has an LJ as well. It's good to make contact with folks again. :)
jocelyncee: (Default)
I tell you what, I'd say I can't believe I've done it again, but I have.

No, not IT. Just plain 'it'.

I've managed to overload myself again, and I'm not stopping here. I have a paper to write in the next two weeks and rehearsals out the wazoo and and and. So, I get about a 30 minute breather at home before rushing off to rehearsal again tonight, and I would really like a nap. Well, that will happen tonight sometime. ;)

I've been reading more assignments in the train, which has been good. Now to get ahead of things and read the assignments before the day they're due. :)

Oh, and I'm sorry if I haven't posted comments to some of your LJs, all you dear folks who name me friend. I have taken time to write, but not to comment, and that's generally not-nice of me. I have been reading your LJs though, at least when I get on here. You're in my thoughts, every one.

*hugs* to you all.
jocelyncee: (Default)
So I scroll back through my latest entries after posting the weekend report, and I find a quiz. This lead me to another quiz, this one:

amoure
You like the sweet, shy type.


What kind of guy are you most attracted to?
brought to you by Quizilla

On that note, I got an invite for a date from the in-the-last-post-aforementioned Christian. He lives near Frankfurt but will be in Stuttgart for a friend's birthday party on the 20th, and he emailed me, asking if I would want to go out for drinks or something that day. I thought that was very sweet of him, and since I enjoyed his company this weekend, I accepted.

It's nice to be dating for real... getting offers to go out and accepting them, and not wanting/having to be serious about them. In fact, I pretty much have to *not* be serious about them, seeing as how I'm leaving in just over three weeks.

I look forward to this practice. :) I found Christian to be a gentle, easygoing person (and he's not bad-looking either. Very nice, German guy, lived in Britain for a while, so his English is excellent.) This should be fun. Too bad it's not until the 20th! Well, I certainly have enough to accomplish between now and then, including studying for exams and writing a paper on Walther von der Vogelweide.
jocelyncee: (Default)
Every time I try to list my favorite music anywhere, even if it's just music of the moment... I inevitably want to make the list longer.

All that's going on today is I'm backing up my mp3s. 18 GB, guys. Lots and lots. This is getting excessive. (Isn't it wonderful?)

Anyway, today is an excercise in being productive. I have cleaned up the room a bit, but man, it needs more. Still, clean laundry put away + dirty landry put in hamper = cleaner room.

(Oh, added to the list: anything sung by Patti LuPone, and Rush. Just because.)

I heard French rap for the first time today. Not bad. Not bad at all.
jocelyncee: (Default)
I have to say, there is no such thing as my favorite band/favorite song. These are just the top 10 songs in the current soundtrack to my life, in no particular order, by the way.

So, Under pain of death and dismemberment from [livejournal.com profile] saxysai, the songs I currently like:

1. Birdhouse in Your Soul - TMBG

2. Queen of Argyll - Andy Stewart

3. Health to the Company - Minstrels of Mayhem

4. Sarah Brown Eyes - from the musical Ragtime

5. Battle of Who Could Care Less - Ben Folds Five

6. Mr. Zebra - Tori Amos

7. Allt á hreinu - Land og Synir

8. Sisters - Betty Clooney & Rosemary Clooney

9. Sixteen Tons - ASU University Singers, Fall 1995

10. Tango to Evora - Loreena McKennitt

buck passed to: [livejournal.com profile] imaginekp, [livejournal.com profile] lionbard, [livejournal.com profile] walterka and [livejournal.com profile] bluecanarykit (if she so desires... hers is a sketch journal...)

I'm listening to Loreena right now... aah... this song always calms me down. I was feeling restless tonight. I wanted to go out, and I didn't. I kept waiting for other people to show up online so I could ask them to go with me. I had a nice evening to myself anyway. I can go out tomorrow night if I so desire, and I don't even have to go with anyone, if I don't want to. But the restlessness went away eventually.

I think I'm just avoiding dealing with my room. This is the first time since I've gotten here that it's been bad enough for me to call it 'dealing with my room' as opposed to 'cleaning up this mess'. It really does look like a tornado took a direct path through here. Just like the old days, haha. Well, it's getting dealt with, gradually or otherwise. I have recycling and garbage to take out, papers to organize, books to put back on the shelves, clothes to put away, dirty laundry to pick up, and this room is only about 100 sq. ft. That's a lot of mess for such a small space.

Okay, so this will change before I go anywhere tomorrow. Anywhere.
jocelyncee: (Default)
Yeah, it's a better day now, despite the fact that it's tomorrow.

Had a nice little chat with [livejournal.com profile] walterka tonight... she was concerned for me, and after reading the last couple posts, I don't blame her. I appreciate you checking up on me, chica. *smiles*

After putting one foot in front of the other and doing what I was supposed to do today (go to class, do homework, etc.) I feel 200% better than I did this morning/yesterday. I still am not so bubbly-happy as to not think about things, but I am not moping nearly as low as I had been. I also got random IMs today from two other friends, and that cheered me up a good bit. (thanks to Gary and Tim for that!)

I also watched Ella Enchanted today... an enjoyable bit of fluff that Dory lent to me over the weekend. It was a nice brainless thing to do this afternoon instead of brooding. Much better for me, too.

I started to say I wouldn't bitch about my singleness here, but, well, it's my LJ, dammit. ;) Actually, today it's not that bad. I still don't feel comfortable in my own skin, but I've had a pleasant day and evening, with some lively chats and interesting class meetings.

Oh, and I got a Greek Euro coin in my change today. That one's a keeper. :)

I also registered for The Face Book due to an advertisement catching me unawares (this time it was in a comment on [livejournal.com profile] saxysai's LJ)... Realizing that I have put myself on a website with a bunch of early 20s sounds a little odd at times, but hey. At least I will be able to keep up with Katie, Ragnar and Nikki after we leave Stuttgart. *shrugs* Besides, I did find one of the German grad students on there...Joerg, of course. Well, I'll have four friends at least. ;)

Okay, it's quite a ways into tomorrow now... I think it's bedtime, even though [livejournal.com profile] bluecanarykit just came online. I do have class tomorrow, and I'm sure I need to read for it...

finally...

May. 30th, 2005 08:11 am
jocelyncee: (Default)
I was tired yesterday... really tired. I stayed in last night, listened to some Stephen Hawking (a recording of one of his lectures and part of A Brief History Of Time) and laid down around 8:00 p.m....

... and went to sleep. And SLEPT. A lot. I woke up around four, and went back to bed. Didn't get up again until, you guessed it, just a few minutes ago, around 8 a.m.

I have been feeling so sleep-deprived lately. Now I know I can catch up. I had the curtains drawn last night when I laid down, and it was apparently dim enough for me to sleep.

I feel so much better now. It will take me a while before I really wake up, but I don't have class until 11:30 anyway. Plenty of time to wake up slowly with shower and yoga.
jocelyncee: (Default)
... of being productive. But it was a good day nonetheless.

After posting here, I made my bed, and immediately fell asleep in it, until about noon. I spent a lot of time this morning in thought and prayer, and I finished Everyday Grace. I have been marking places in the text (with little scraps of paper) at points that struck me as particularly profound or pertinent to my life. In the last couple of chapters, I think there is a bit of paper every two or three pages. In the last or next to last chapter, she actually tells my story. It is her own story, of course, but I related so completely to her experience that it may as well have been my story.

That took until 3 p.m. After having a late lunch, I finally sat down to some homework. That is still not done, but progress has been made. I went to see Kingdom of Heaven with Dory tonight (an interesting film, worth seeing, but probably not with your last $7.50).

So, now I'm home, and half-ready to go to bed, half-ready to stay up and work on my translation for Old French class tomorrow.

But none of that is really how my day was. It is what I did, but not how I was.

I was calm, and cheerful. I was grateful for my life as it is today, with every little snag, every miniscule delight. I felt restful, and deliberate. I felt confident that my life is exactly how t is supposed to be, and that I am exactly where I need to be, in order to become the person I am to become. I saw future possibilites without thinking them over-fanciful or deeming them childish; I looked at the past without condemning it or my part in it. I examined my life today, my feelings, my motives, my desires, and my fears, all without haste or reluctance. I know, with absolute certainty that I am being cared for, that I need not fret for the future, or dwell over the past.

Today is mine, without me ever having to take it. All I have to do is say "yes".
jocelyncee: (Default)
Not that I needed one, but today is another German holiday. No banks, no stores, and most important, no classes. *grins*

Of course, that gave me an excuse to have lots of fun this weekend (as though I don't anyway) and still have a day to catch up on the work I should have done over the weekend. It never feels like very much work, since I don't have papers due during the semester (although I still will be writing mine during the semester, but the pressure isn't on, really). I hope I don't actually put things off until the absolute last minute, because I want to do some traveling in the two weeks between the end of semester and my flight home. I'm in Europe, I want to see some more of it!

So, today will actually be a productive one, with yoga, recopying notes, reading assigned chapters, taking a walk, finishing up laundry and cooking what I've got in my pantry. Oh, and it's looking pretty again (yay!) so I will probably sunbathe a bit this afternoon. It has been a real treat, this more-northerly sunlight. I can lay out and not get burned. That would never happen at home.
jocelyncee: (Default)
So, it's like this.

My life has been all over the place lately... from absolutely calm and serene, to bubbly as a schoolgirl, to a crabby old woman. Man, the gamut I have run...

This last week... my goodness. I've skipped class, neglected readings, lapsed occasionally on yoga, gotten a bit too drunk, worn myself out and come down with the beginnings of bronchitis. To counterbalance all this, I have gone dancing, been flirted with, been randomly invited to dinner, enjoyed some intimate conversations with a friend, taken long walks, practiced piano and voice, unexpectedly improvised with other musicians, allowed myself the vulnerability of being honest, and spent more time outside than I did when I was a kid.

I hope every week between now and the time I have to leave Germany can be this blessed.

Sure, I'm sick, but that's fixable. I'm going to rest, and I'm not staying indoors, since I seem to do better outside. I'll be getting some sun, and I haven't sunburned really yet. (I have a little bit of my forehead that is burned, but not severely, even though it had no sunscreen on it.)

On the other hand, I can't taste much, and the coughing is starting to hurt. I took some cough syrup though... hopefully things will clear up enough for me to sing the gig tomorrow.

Tonight was okay, long rehearsal but with a very fun twist. Chris randomly started vamping the chords to "Always Look On the Bright Side of Life" (yes, Python) and the three singers (Tim, Bernadette and I) randomly started humming along together... all three differently... all three in harmony. We took it through almost all 12 key changes possible, going on for about 10 minutes. It was wonderful. Even though it was late, and my throat hurt, and my voice was unhappy, it didn't matter. We were having fun, enjoying the complete spontenaity.

It was magic.

I wonder sometimes if I haven't chosen the wrong career path. I guess all I can do is walk in the indicated direction, and see what happens. All I know is that, after tonight, I know performing music in some capacity needs to be a permanent part of my life.
jocelyncee: (Default)
... I'm still getting sick. Just in time for my gig on Monday, too. I'm contemplating how much I can actually do today. I know I need to get out to the pharmacist today, and early, since things close early on Saturdays here. I had originally planned to go to the Pferdemarkt with Katie, and I may yet. We'll see how things develop. I was hoping Katie would wake up and be online by now, so we could discuss it.

Ah, well. It's all going how it needs to. I still have to dry my hair and get dressed. Maybe she'll be up by then.

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