another drunk post
Jul. 1st, 2005 01:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jocelynceeYes, no one reading this will understand why this is called "another" drunk post... the first 'drunk post' was never public. Too much blatant honesty there, with too many names.
I wanted to get drunker tonight. (Yes, Katie, you'll worry about that, I know.) I find that when I get tipsy, I don't want people to leave me. It seems that I'm never ready to go home. That is something to be aware of, I suppose.
I wanted very much for Nick to be online tonight... someone I know I could talk to, and who I know would tell me I'm beautiful if I asked. I've heard that twice today from complete strangers, and right now it's not enough.
I think that I am more intensely myself when drunk. What I mean by this: I show my insecurities more, I am more defensive, I am more giving, more affectionate... just more everything. I guess I'm less afraid of being who I am... but I may just be more desperate. In my current state I can't really tell.
Katie's birthday was today, and we had dinner: Lyndsey, Anders, Ragnar, Bobby, Katie and me. Later on in the evening some seemingly random German guy (very drunk) came by, and squatted down between me and Katie. He flirted with Katie, then when she extricated herself from said unwanted affections, he started flirting with me. I removed myself from the situation (temporarily) by following Ragnar to his room to partake of the Hennessey Cognac and Coke he had. (Thanks, Ragnar, I did need that. :)
Anyway, within 10 mintues of my return, drunken boy started asking all the English speaking people at the table how do say he liked my boobs.
Not long after this, Bobby left to go to the party next door... Anders then left for home, and Ragnar followed suit. This was my cue to leave.
I was not ready to be alone again, but I certainly didn't want to be around the drunken fellow who also smelled heavily of cigarettes.
So, anyway... Katie was kind enough not to kick me out very quickly. I didn't want to go yet. I still don't want to be alone, but it's 1:30 almost, and I'm going to an SCA event tomorrow, and I have to be alive enough to at least finish packing the right things in the a.m.
I hate being sensible sometimes.
It's July now. I've been single for almost 6 months. The longest stretch ever.
May God help me stay that way.
I wanted to get drunker tonight. (Yes, Katie, you'll worry about that, I know.) I find that when I get tipsy, I don't want people to leave me. It seems that I'm never ready to go home. That is something to be aware of, I suppose.
I wanted very much for Nick to be online tonight... someone I know I could talk to, and who I know would tell me I'm beautiful if I asked. I've heard that twice today from complete strangers, and right now it's not enough.
I think that I am more intensely myself when drunk. What I mean by this: I show my insecurities more, I am more defensive, I am more giving, more affectionate... just more everything. I guess I'm less afraid of being who I am... but I may just be more desperate. In my current state I can't really tell.
Katie's birthday was today, and we had dinner: Lyndsey, Anders, Ragnar, Bobby, Katie and me. Later on in the evening some seemingly random German guy (very drunk) came by, and squatted down between me and Katie. He flirted with Katie, then when she extricated herself from said unwanted affections, he started flirting with me. I removed myself from the situation (temporarily) by following Ragnar to his room to partake of the Hennessey Cognac and Coke he had. (Thanks, Ragnar, I did need that. :)
Anyway, within 10 mintues of my return, drunken boy started asking all the English speaking people at the table how do say he liked my boobs.
Not long after this, Bobby left to go to the party next door... Anders then left for home, and Ragnar followed suit. This was my cue to leave.
I was not ready to be alone again, but I certainly didn't want to be around the drunken fellow who also smelled heavily of cigarettes.
So, anyway... Katie was kind enough not to kick me out very quickly. I didn't want to go yet. I still don't want to be alone, but it's 1:30 almost, and I'm going to an SCA event tomorrow, and I have to be alive enough to at least finish packing the right things in the a.m.
I hate being sensible sometimes.
It's July now. I've been single for almost 6 months. The longest stretch ever.
May God help me stay that way.
