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jocelynceeI really don't like being around negative people. Admittedly, I would qualify as one of those today, as much as I found things to gripe about. I have had two encounters today, however, that have really sharpened my sense of the negative, and from which I had to mentally extricate myself before I crossed over from grumpy to irate.
The first was a friend trying to be helpful/commiserate with me over the Impossibility that is Trying to Get Residency Status, i.e. Paying Less Tuition. The defeatist attitude that met my already rising temper only served as a springboard for it, and I went from annoyed to homicidal in about 10 seconds. I eventually had to ask that the subject be dropped, because I just couldn't listen to any more "oh, sure, they'll take your forms, and just deny you anyway".
The second was a compatriot (not precisely a friend) of mine who was waxing melancholic about the likelihood of receiving a fair evaluation of our papers in 19th C. Lit. The prof had a family emergency (a young child with unexpected major surgery) and could not return the drafts we'd turned in, hence we do not get professorial comments to consider while making the final revisions. As to fair grading practices, my colleague was inclined to assume the worst, whereas I was assuming the best, and both of us were citing the same reason behind our reasoning: "There's nothing we can do about it."
Now, when I finally get over the need to control a situation, the first thing I say to myself is "There's nothing I can do about it". This is a comforting thought, not defeatist in the least -- just an honest assessment of the situation. Once I've admitted where I have control and where I don't, I can get on with doing what I can, and quit wasting energy on what I can't.
The first thing to do that with was my grumpy mood today. Yeah, I feel kinda crummy, but that happens and it's not anyone else's fault that I'm tired/cranky/etc.
Second, I can't change what other people think or what they say about it. So, I can't change my friend's mind or stop my colleague's mouth. I did however ask my friend to drop the topic because I was just getting mad, and he did. The colleague was headed somewhere else anyway, so I didn't have to wait long for the conversation to end.
Today's lesson seems to be in paying attention to my surroundings and the effects that I'm taking from them, and getting the negativity out of my thoughts and actions.
The first was a friend trying to be helpful/commiserate with me over the Impossibility that is Trying to Get Residency Status, i.e. Paying Less Tuition. The defeatist attitude that met my already rising temper only served as a springboard for it, and I went from annoyed to homicidal in about 10 seconds. I eventually had to ask that the subject be dropped, because I just couldn't listen to any more "oh, sure, they'll take your forms, and just deny you anyway".
The second was a compatriot (not precisely a friend) of mine who was waxing melancholic about the likelihood of receiving a fair evaluation of our papers in 19th C. Lit. The prof had a family emergency (a young child with unexpected major surgery) and could not return the drafts we'd turned in, hence we do not get professorial comments to consider while making the final revisions. As to fair grading practices, my colleague was inclined to assume the worst, whereas I was assuming the best, and both of us were citing the same reason behind our reasoning: "There's nothing we can do about it."
Now, when I finally get over the need to control a situation, the first thing I say to myself is "There's nothing I can do about it". This is a comforting thought, not defeatist in the least -- just an honest assessment of the situation. Once I've admitted where I have control and where I don't, I can get on with doing what I can, and quit wasting energy on what I can't.
The first thing to do that with was my grumpy mood today. Yeah, I feel kinda crummy, but that happens and it's not anyone else's fault that I'm tired/cranky/etc.
Second, I can't change what other people think or what they say about it. So, I can't change my friend's mind or stop my colleague's mouth. I did however ask my friend to drop the topic because I was just getting mad, and he did. The colleague was headed somewhere else anyway, so I didn't have to wait long for the conversation to end.
Today's lesson seems to be in paying attention to my surroundings and the effects that I'm taking from them, and getting the negativity out of my thoughts and actions.
